Is your marriage sexless? Many people experience a sexless marriage. Physical and emotional intimacy are essential parts of building lasting relationships. Learn why this happens. Here are 7 reasons why your marriage maybe sexless. 1. Intimacy Anorexia, 2. Sexual Addiction, 3. Schizoid Personality Disorder, 4. Depression, 5. Sexual Abuse, 6. Low Thyroid, 7. Low Testosterone and sex language miscommunication.
The Reasons
- Intimacy Anorexia – withholding intimacy from partners or spouses
- Sexual Addiction – being addicted to other things outside of their marriage
- Schizoid Personality Disorder – avoids close relationships and does not want sex
- Depression – it is very hard to want sex when you are feeling like this
- Sexual Abuse – traumatized from negative and hurtful sexual experiences
- Low Thyroid – thyroid and other hormone imbalances
- Low Testosterone – this can apply to both women and men and their sex drives
Miscommunication and your sex language can also play a part in having sex. Talk about what you want in sex. Ask your partner what they want. Find that happy middle ground so that both of you get what you want and can enjoy each other.
We have helped couples recover their sex lives who were sexless for 5, 10, or 15 years. We have created specialized counseling and intensive recovery programs to help couples find their sex lives again and rebuild their relationships. Reach out to us if you need help and call 719-278-3708.
I’m a husband to my wife of 25 years with kids. 20+ of those years were sexless in the sense that we either did not have sex in the year or had sex quarterly, once every other month, etc.; but well below my need and desire levels.
I learned she had experienced significant childhood trauma. She also meets almost all of your intimacy anorexia characteristics. We tried couples counseling twice; she later told me she hated the sex and feeling sexual, the first time, and the second – she would not commit to change. So we remain sexless.
I feel as if I am being forced to become someone I’m not — asexual as a result, completely contrary to who I am and what I need and desire. I gave an ultimatum that included consistent sex, therapy for her and jointly; she refused.
As a committed Christian husband, I can’t step out on my wife. I love her but have begun to resent her for her indifference to my needs. Can or should I continue in this lifestyle?
If you are not being abusive, porn addicted, or co-creating this issue, then she is married to herself and not to you. You may want to talk to your pastor about this. The scripture is clear about withholding sex for the other person. Take a look at 1 Corinthians 7:4 it talks about how husbands and wives give authority of their bodies over to their partners. However, the past trauma needs to be addressed to make any forward progress. I would recommend working with a counselor trained in EMDR therapy to over come this. You can call my office at 719-278-3708 if you need help finding a therapist. We also offer phone counseling.
I don’t know the story between the two of you…. But it could be that she is traumatized. It is not her fault it is like PTSD situation.
Married for 30 years to a sexual anorexic husband… and sex for me equals rejection, emotional abuse, being walled off and ignored. For the last 2 years he is in sobriety, more present, attentive, appreciative and willing to heal the physical side of our marriage but I can’t go there. What is sex? There must be something about sex that makes the world go crazy about it. I was never sexually awakened … and I don’t know what to do. I might be accused of being sexual anorexic too… but I can remember the loneliness, the heartache, not knowing what was going on. I remember the day a few years into our marriage I decided by an act of my will I was going to change my expectation about having a sexual relationship with my husband and he became to me like a husband sitting “paralysed in a wheal chair” except when he could be sexual with himself and virtual brides and other women hanging on poles and waiting in windows.. I know I am shattered in my sexuality through my husband’s porn addiction and Sexual anorexia. Am I a sexual anorexic too? No. I suffered emotional abuse and physical abuse. Am I condependent? No I am not. I am traumatised. Why did I not walk away? I experience trauma bonding with the person who was supposed to love me and enjoy me It hurts.
Oh my, if I’d written about me and my situation, I would not have changed a word!
Great video clip! My wife of 19yrs feels that she has every right to have tossed me into the prison cell of celibacy.
1 Corinthians 7:1-5 does not seem to have any effect upon her spirit? Non biblical excuses for cutting us off from sexual intimacy are well recorded in her rolodex of wrongs that she holds against me? Tragic & very sad.
Having a weak and non biblical application marriage counselor has not helped in the trial of a messy marriage mishap. Trusting God BIG TIME on this one!