Holding your child for the first time—what an experience of a lifetime! Some of us are lucky enough to have treasured such a moment, others of us have dreamed of it. Try to recollect all those little steps you took, those little moments that happened from your child’s conception to that moment where you stared into their eyes for the first time.
Wondering if you’re pregnant, getting to surprise your husband with the news, getting sonograms, learning the gender of your baby, picking a name, planning what color the baby’s room will be, and rushing to the hospital.
In this article, I ask my readers to think of their marriage as an event of commensurate excitement and wonderment. Just as—from conception to delivery—you can map the entire journey you travel to get to your child, we can, too, trace the moments that lead up to our marriages.
I like to think that your marriage was in progress—coming towards you—before you ever even met your spouse. Everything in your youth prepared you for your marriage. Everything you endured, good and bad, shaped you both into the two people who fell in love with each other.
Before you met, you were both busy becoming good people and good partners. And all the challenges that you faced before your marriage prepared you for the challenges you have faced in your marriage. They have only made you stronger and a more supportive spouse.
Chronicle with me your journey towards marriage. Reflect on crucial parts of your childhood. What were the strengths of both of your parents? What were their weaknesses? What did you learn from your family about problem-solving? Taking responsibility? Fear? Anger? Sex? How to treat the opposite sex? What were some life-changing experiences you had in high school?
Now think about your early adulthood—recall when and what you learned about things like money, anger, humility, fears, sex, how to treat a partner. What were life-changing experiences you had in early adulthood?
Looking back through these stages of life like this helps to map out how you came to your current personal ideals. Share what you’ve reflected with your spouse. This will help you reach a new level of intimacy, understanding, and thankfulness for each other.
Then try to answer some questions together about how you met. Revisit and relive. How far apart did you grow up? What were your initial impressions of each other? When did you know he/she was the right one? What challenges did you have to work through to consider marriage? How did you overcome these challenges? What did you feel on your wedding day?
I encourage you to sit down together and really slow down your memories together. Exercises like these will remind you why you came together and will ensure that you continue to appreciate each other. Take time to savor your memories and you will recognize your marriage for the amazing bond it is.
Excerpt taken from: Miracle Of Marriage
For more information on this, join Dr. Weiss on his LinkedIn account at: www.linkedin.com/in/douglasweissphd
Heart to Heart Counseling Center offers counseling and intensives to help you achieve love and understanding with your spouse.
