Marriage is not and never has been between a man and a woman, but is between God, a man, and a woman. When God is removed from marriage, anything can occur. When you or I believe that marriage is just between a man and a woman, the fruit of this idea will show up in our marriage. Lust, pornography, online affairs, actual affairs, prostitution, lying, secret accounts or phones or credit cards, and more, all start with this idea: Marriage is just us two and we make the rules.

Newsflash: Marriage is between God, a man, and a woman, and He makes the rules, not the humans in the marriage. In this trinity of marriage, we humans are equal in value.  One does not rule over the other.  A man is not a king in this marriage—God is.

When you marry, you have two relationships with God; one as a son or daughter and one as a son-in-law or daughter-in-law.

The first relationship is with God as our Father or Abba.  He cares for us deeply as individuals, wants only the best for us, and has good gifts for us. He is a Father, so He is wants with us to grow up and go through stages of life—He is willing to guide or correct us as we walk this journey together.

The second relationship you have with God is as your Father-in-law. God is the one who created, birthed, and matured your spouse—the same God who brought he or she into your life to be your spouse.  Your spouse is God’s favorite son or daughter, so this makes you a son-in-law to His favored daughter or a daughter-in-law to His favored son.

When you are an in-law, you are one hundred percent trusting that spouse will be responsible to genuinely love, honor, and cherish your child.  You cannot control or influence what that person does, but how they love your child does impact you. Their love or lack of love for your child is a primary factor in your relationship with them.

This expectation that you will love, honor, and cherish your spouse is no different with God.  God as a Father-in-law expects you to love your spouse.  He expects you to learn the way to love them and serve them, demonstrating His love and your love to them on a consistent, though imperfect, basis. And unlike our earthly in-laws, our Father-in-Law, God, has unlimited resources for us to carry out His expectations in serving and loving our spouses.

Having a Father-in-Law God is a wonderful thing. He is always with me and constantly gives me revelation and wisdom in how to better love and serve my wife.  He is also amazingly gracious when I make mistakes with His daughter, my wife.

Having His expectations, His empowerment to be a servant to my spouse, and knowing that I will face Him for my actions and behaviors is comforting and motivates me to love and serve Lisa all the days I am privileged to have her as my wife.

For more information on this, join Dr. Weiss on his LinkedIn account at:

Heart to Heart Counseling Center offers marriage counseling and intensives. To learn more, visit our website.

Excerpt from: “Servant Marriage” by Douglas Weiss, PH.D.

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