Here is another kryptonite that can damage a marriage over the years. Arrogance is the belief that you are better or smarter than others, especially your spouse. Arrogance for some starts in childhood or adolescence.

Often arrogance is a projection of a bigger self due to pain or fear of the authentic self. The young boy or girl was damaged somehow in his or her heart and now protects that wound with superiority.

Arrogance is kryptonite because it makes intimacy difficult and the relationship chaotic. It’s as if arrogant people can’t be equal to anyone. Arrogant people tend to think in black-and-white, win-or-lose constructs. Acting as part of a team is difficult because all relationships must revolve around their needs. Empathy for others is limited at best.

This false arrogant self often holds others in low esteem so your heart, feelings, and needs are not really as valuable as his or hers. This crack grows over time. To stay intact, arrogant people use denial, rationalization, and minimization.

The person suffering from this needs counseling so he or she can understand that imperfection is normal and okay, and the arrogant protection isn’t necessary. To heal, this crack, like all the others, requires honesty, acceptance, and support.

Every couple deserves to have an authentic connecting relationship between two flawed but loved people. To have this both people must accept, not protect, their less-than-wonderful humanity.

As with the anorexia pattern you are looking for a regular pattern of arrogance. Most of us are guilty of arrogance at some time in our life especially in marriage. Who hasn’t thought just for a moment (microsecond) that your spouse might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer? Then the Holy Spirit corrects your thoughts and you are grateful again to be married to this wonderful person.

Excerpt taken from: The Ten Minute Marriage Principle

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