External Sexuality

What I mean by external sexuality is the actual sexual acts that you participate in with your physical body. These sex acts fall basically into two categories. The first category comprises sex acts approved by God in the context of a monogamous relationship with your wife. The second category includes sex acts that are disapproved and discouraged by God. This includes sexual acts with anyone prior to marriage and outside of marriage.

God was very clear about this in the Old Testament when he wrote the Ten Commandments to His people. In Exodus 20:14 we read, “You shall not commit adultery.” Proverbs 5 doesn’t mince words in describing how adultery leads to death. Look at Leviticus 18 for the expanded version of what God does not want us to do with our external sexuality.

As a sex therapist, I don’t think there is one of those sexual exploits I haven’t heard of being committed by men who call themselves Christians. I have been privy to their tremendous guilt and shame, often carried for decades by the men (and women) who have participated in such acts.

God isn’t against sexual fun, but He is against us hurting ourselves with the gift of sexuality. I have never heard from anyone who has not felt some pain as a result of breaking God’s perfect design for sexuality. God is a God of love, giving us the motive to have the absolute best sex of our lives.

I know many reading this may be feeling some regret over their past sexual behavior. Jesus came to set us free from all of our sin, including sexual sin. I know He can heal, restore and give you sexual success all the days of your life.

Internal Sexuality

Internal sexuality is also a gift from God. It involves your sexual feelings, thoughts, fantasies and impulses. Internal sexuality is what you do with your eyes, your heart and your creative mind.

This part of your sexuality can go undetected by those around you. You can lust after another woman’s body without anyone knowing. At least that’s what many of the Christian men I have talked to believed in adolescence. They rationalized that as long as they only looked and didn’t touch, they were good boys.

I like to compare lust to an apple seed. Inside that little seed is the map to create an entire apple tree. It’s not instant and conditions must be favorable, but when the map is followed, it’s inevitable that an apple tree will result. Lust works the same way. Your soul (mind, will and emotions) is the fertile soil in which this seed grows. You plant the lust, continue to “nourish” it and water it. Then whammo! Over time you reap sin and death. Remember that lust is an internal sexuality issue that must be managed in order to achieve long-term sexual success.

If you truly understand how powerful this little seed of lust is you will see why so often the Bible encourages us to run from it and not try to fight with it. God knows the power that seed holds. This is why we are cautioned in Proverbs 6:25, “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.”

Although others may not be able to see you lust, God does, and you will have to answer before Him for using your mind and time in this manner.

You will also need to understand that lust has the DNA code for destruction, sin, and death to those who plant her seed into their soul. Don’t be childish in your masculine sexuality and think in any manner that it’s okay to lust after any woman.

Women are not on the planet for you to access their beauty by your standards. They are not to be scanned into your mind or heart in order to fantasize. These women are people, but more important, they are God’s people. He does not permit lust and we shouldn’t either.

I think you get the picture that God is concerned about both sides of our sexuality, which includes our outside sexual behavior and our inside sexual beliefs. I desire for every Christian man to have sexual success.


Sex Men and God Front Cover

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