Frequently Asked Questions
Dr. Doug Weiss has answers to your questions about sex addiction, intimacy anorexia and more.
Is there recovery from sex addiction?Collapse
Yes, there is recovery for sex addiction. This recovery takes time and hard work especially in the first year, but with guided help, the sex addict can experience restoration in their emotional, relational, sexual, financial and even spiritual lives. I have seen marriages made better than they ever were and addicts live much happier lives than they ever thought possible. I have been in successful recovery for over twenty years and know the help is available for those who choose to work for and maintain their recovery. If you would like a more information on counseling, please call (719) 278-3708.
What makes people become sexually addicted?Expand
This is different for every sex addict but generally speaking there are biological, psychological, and spiritual reasons. The following is a short explanation. The biological addict is someone who has conditioned their body to receive endorphins and enkephlines (brain chemicals) primarily through reinforcing a fantasy state with the ejaculation that sends these chemicals to the brain. Psychologically, the need to medicate or escape physical, emotional or sexual abuse can demand a substance and the early addict finds the sex medicine usually before alcohol or drugs. Spiritually, a person is filling up the God hole in them with their sexual addiction. The addiction is their spirituality; it comforts them, celebrates them and is always available and present. Then there is the sex addict who can a mix of two or even three of the above reasons. This is why a specialist in sex addiction is the best route for recovery from sex addiction.
What role does pornography play in sex addiction?Expand
For many sex addicts, pornography combined with regular masturbation is the cornerstone. Many sex addicts have great difficulty getting sober from this combination of behavior. The pornography with accompanying fantasy creates an unreal world that the sex addict visits throughout their adolescence and other developmental stages and creates an object relationship that conditions their emotional and sexual self to depend upon these objects and fantasies to meet their emotional and sexual needs. Addicts usually engage in this behavior hundreds of times before having sex with a real person.
What’s the difference between sex addiction and a high sex drive?Expand
I have heard this question on almost every national talk show or radio show I have been on over the years. A person with a high sex drive is satisfied with sex. It’s not about a fix for something; when their partner says “NO” it doesn’t make them go off the handle thinking their partner is totally rejecting them and have to leave the house or act out in some other way. If you can relate to the latter, chances are there may be an addiction issue.
Is there a way to help your children not become sexually addicted?Expand
Yes! Even though many of our adult male clients report that their fathers were sex addicts (porn, affairs, prostitutes etc.), they also report getting little to no proper sexual information to balance their sexual perspective. We have created two DVDs addressing healthy sexuality for teens. Born for War teaches young men practical tools to defeat the sexual landmines their generation faces and offers scriptural truths to empower them to desire success in the war that is thrust upon them. Princes Take Longer Than Frogs helps single women ages 15-30 successfully navigate through the season of dating and how to distinguish between a Prince and a Frog.
If you have addition questions and can’t find the answer below, please ask us directly and we will get right back to you.Ask Dr. Doug a question
Can you be addicted to masturbation?Collapse
Yes. This is by far the most common sex addiction that I have treated in working with sex addiction. This usually is the first sexual behavior many of us will have on a repeated basis. This is usually where the sexual compulsion starts and this behavior, regardless of other acquired behaviors, usually stays active. This behavior usually starts early in adolescence while the brain is still developing.
Can women be sex addicts?Expand
Yes! The number of women desiring treatment is growing significantly. The behaviors are the same as their male counterparts, including: masturbation, pornography, internet activity, anonymous encounters and affairs. Over twenty recovering female sex addicts contributed in writing She Has a Secret: Understanding Female Sexual Addiction. This book plus the Secret Solutions Workbook, with over 115 helpful techniques for recovery is just for her. If you would like to set up a counseling appointment to start your journey of recovery, call today. There is hope for female sex addicts to recover from sexual addictions.
Can partners get help even if the sex addict doesn’t?Expand
Yes. Even if the addict stays in denial of their addiction, the partner can receive help and support for herself. The feelings of anger, loss, loneliness and many other feelings encountered over the years of living with this addiction will affect a person. These feelings need to be dealt with therapeutically whether they stay married to the addict or not. If you would like a more information on a counseling appointment, call (719) 278-3708. As a partner or wife, the addiction is in no way your doing; the addiction started many years before you even met your addict. This addiction would have grown and damaged anyone they would have related to, in any relationship.
Partners or wives living with a sex addicts typically report common feelings, such as aloneness, the sense that the partner can’t open up and tell you about his “real” self. Confusion comes as a result of doing certain behaviors that are still not enough and hopelessness that there isn’t enough. Anger from many unmet needs, as a person and as a woman, are often common.
Can someone be a sex addict and not be sexual/intimate with their spouse/significant other?Expand
Yes! We call this later stage of sex addiction “sexual anorexia.” In this stage of sex addiction, the addict prefers the fantasy world and fantasy sex with themselves or others instead of relational sex with their spouse or partner. The addict or anorexic avoids relational sex and hence this couple has sex infrequently and often only at the non-addicted partner’s request.
Is there treatment available for pastors that are sexually addicted?Expand
Pastors face some unique challenges in maintaining sexual purity. If you are struggling with a porn or sex addiction, we can help. You can stop your destructive behavior, regain your integrity, and put an end to the double life that is destroying everything you deeply cherish.
We provide a safe, confidential, and proven place to find solutions. We offer 3 and 5 day intensives that bring hope and freedom—for you and your spouse.
Schedule Your Sex Addiction Counseling Session!Our licensed counselors are waiting to help you with your sex addiction.
Call us at 719-278-3708 or email us at [email protected]. Contact Us