Betrayal – The Great Internal Human Trauma

Heart rates go up with blood pumping to our extremities, pupils dilate, a flood of glucose causes the brain to be hyper vigilant and active – this is fight or flight – the condition we are in when we can run away or counter attack to lessen our stress threat.

However, when the brain is overwhelmed by stressors, when there is no place to run and no opportunity to fight – when we are helpless in the face of the stress threat, our brain shifts to numb us to defend us from self-implosion – defend us from being overwhelmed – protect us. Heart rate decreases, extremities become cool, weariness overtakes us, energy is reduced, and we are numb all over – in
shock.

If a loved one gets in trouble or is very ill – we may be able to help and reduce that stress by being active – being in fight or flight. But when a loved one dies – all systems stop – there is nothing we can do and our brain goes into the freeze response to numb us and give us time to get thru this. We may not think clearly, may feel exhausted, and sadness creeps in bringing tears and emotional release. No one really expects a loved one to die suddenly, or anytime really. There is nothing we can do and we need time to gather ourselves together. It is a shock. Death is a major relational trauma. Yet, what about learning we have been betrayed – maybe for a long period of time. Betrayal. Something we did not think would or maybe even could happen – bam. It hits us. Takes our breath away. Usually we need to sit down when we learn about that. Our brains storm into a freeze response. Sure, we may have moments of anger – of self-blame – of disbelief – but mostly we are facing a living death – a death of a relationship we staked our life on and now find out it was not true. We feel used, incapable of discerning the world around us, unable to think clearly, and yet have invasive thoughts about all that we should have or should not have done in the past – oh I should have done this; I should not have done that; and so forth.

We can talk about the situation for months/years. We cannot make sense of it and we may not be able to bring ourselves out of our frozen state to sleep again, think again, laugh again – the betraying one has left us stuck and in a kind of disbelief. But have they? Or is it really our brain that continues to protect us?

Science advises us that our brain makes the first move to protect us to be numb and wind down when there is nothing we can do in the face of a trauma. Our brain is driving. Should we wish to get thru the horror of betrayal in a realistic time frame – hours and days – we desperately need to balance our brain to lessen this freeze response and allow us to function more fully, feel more energy, sleep better, and have some thoughts entertaining a brighter tomorrow. Other therapies can assist us in weeks, months, or years if we don’t give up on them. However, an opportunity to support the brain via neuro-modulation which works directly with the brain’s imbalance is really key to kick starting our healing journey.

Heart to Heart counseling can use neuro-modulation should you need it and then, when you are not imbalanced – when your life-pallet is available to you with a full array of colors – Heart to Heart can lead you to paint your future life picture – a better one than you have experienced – a life of potential and possibility….