Living Clean, Staying Clean: A Spiritual Message to Fathers

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Southern Baptist men are great at leaving legacies.  I know this is true because I graduated from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary where legacies are lived out every day. What about you? Are you leaving generational legacies for your sons to follow? If so, what kind? A clean life is caught as well as taught to our sons.

In my professional experience, half of the men in churches today are struggling with sexual integrity issues, making the decision to leave a legacy of a clean sexual more important than ever.

In the book Clean: A Proven Plan for Men Committed to Sexual Integrity (Thomas Nelson, 2013) in order to help men live just the sort of sexual lives that I suggest they should. In this book, I share my twenty years of experiences helping men become successful in living clean lives for the entirety of their lives and helping them to leave clean legacies for their sons. I share these stories in the hope that I might help you or someone you love commit to a life of sexual integrity.

Sexual integrity is something Jesus bought for all of us at the cross.  This generation of fathers is pivotal in church history. It is this generation that will choose whether the church loses her saltiness in preserving the culture from further moral decline.  I want to share with you some of the clean principles, those intended to encourage the long-term practice of clean living.

  1. Acknowledge the enemy has waged a sexual war

The enemy has waged a sexual war on the men of the church.  It is now too late to sit on the sidelines.  It is time for us to act as if we are in a war.

  1. Never go to battle alone

Every man in this war, regardless if he struggles a little or a lot, needs an accountability partner.

  1. Never fall for the enemy’s number one trap

According to scripture (Luke 12:2) there is no such thing as a secret. No secret email accounts, web subscriptions, porn viewing, flirtations or social networks; everything will be known. If you believe you can keep secrets you condemn yourself to staying trapped in an unclean lifestyle.

  1. Know the difference between I John 1:9 and James 5:16

So many Christian men want to tell only Jesus about their sexual sins or struggles.  Yes, Jesus will forgive them and cleanse them, but if they want to be healed they have to “confess [their] faults to one another.”  Christian men are then healed through confessing.

Confessing my sins to another has been the key to my twenty-five years of living the clean life. Before I confessed by behaviors to my roommate in seminary, I couldn’t get free no matter what I tried.  It wasn’t until I got honest with another person that I started to become clean.  This scriptural based concept of confession to another person is what has allowed me to leave a new legacy for my son, and it can help you do the same for yours.

  1. Have real understanding that nakedness is holiness

Men’s bodies were created holy and so were women’s. The more of her nakedness you see, the more holiness you see. Teach your sons that women are holy.  Their holiness exposes our heartsWe either have hearts like Abraham and Lot to revere and protect holiness or hearts like the men of Sodom to consume holiness for self-pleasure.

  1. Let’s get practical

Most of our brains have lusted, and we reinforced that lust with self gratifying sexual behaviors.  If this is something you have done in the past, you may still experience part of that behavior by checking out women regularly. To start to decrease lusting behaviors, put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it every time you check out a woman.  Within a month, you will have noticed a dramatic decrease in lust.

Though technology is an amazing invention, it can also be a stumbling block for men. Learn to use technology to your advantage.  Place a porn blocker and accountability software on your phone, computers, and tablets.  I recommend Covenant Eyes; you can download this software directly from my website, www.drdougweiss.com. These pornography blockers will protect not only you but also your children.

You can also get practical with your approach to home entertainment. Consider using dvd players that filter out nudity and profanity in movies. I use Clear Play (www.clearplay.com). Before you head to the theater, check out www.pluggedin.com and make sure the movie you are planning to see is free of nudity.  My son knows this is the first place I check before we go to a movie together.

Talk to your kids about pornography. Once a month I have such a conversation with my son. This conversation may be an awkward one but will help guaranteed the transmission of sexual integrity to your children.

If we as men in the church can change the rules of engagement from don’t ask, don’t tell to instead ask, tell and be clean, we all stand a chance of not only becoming clean, but also cleansing the legacy of our church’s men. Only such men of integrity can lead our culture back to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Next Steps

To learn more about living a porn free life purchase the book.  While you are reading this book, it if any time questions come up we are here to answer any questions. Feel free to email us at heart2heart@xc.org or give us a call at 719.278.3708.

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ABOUT ME

Douglas Weiss, Ph.D. As the Executive Director at Heart to Heart Counseling Center, Dr. Douglas Weiss has been successfully counseling hurting hearts and relationships for more than 20 years.

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